What is the Talmud?

[Ken Olson]

There are various different versions of this story online (you can google it). In some versions the questioner is a Jewish student, and in others a Christian, or even a Bishop. In some versions the men who come down the chimney are burglars rather than chimney sweeps. I'm attempting to tell it the way I first heard it, but the words are my own. I previously posted a slightly different version of this story on the Historical Jesus, higher criticism, and Second temple Judaism Facebook page .

A young man comes to a Rabbi who is well known as a scholar of the Talmud and asks: ‘What is the Talmud?’

The Rabbi considers for a moment and replies: ‘Let me ask you a question: Two chimney sweeps go down a chimney. One’s face is clean, the other’s face is dirty. Which one washes his face?’

‘The one whose face is dirty, obviously’, answers the young man.

The Rabbi shakes his head and says: ‘The one whose face is dirty sees the one whose face is clean and thinks his own face must be clean. But the one with the clean face sees the one whose face is dirty and assumes his own face must be dirty. So who washes his face?’

The young man says: ‘You just said. It’s the one whose face is clean.’

The Rabbi shakes his head again and explains: ‘But the one with the dirty face sees the one with the clean face washing his face and realizes his own face must be dirty. So who washes his face?’

The young man thinks about it a bit longer this time and says: ‘The one with the clean face and the one with the dirty face both wash their faces.’

The Rabbi shakes his head again and says: ‘They just came down a chimney. How could one of them have a clean face?’

The young man, now becoming frustrated, says to the Rabbi: ‘I came to you with a simple question and now you’ve led me through a lot of convoluted reasoning to a bunch of mutually contradictory answers to a question that isn’t even the one I wanted you to answer in the first place.’

The Rabbi shrugs and says: ‘That is the Talmud’.

[Secret Alias]

Famous story and a good one. My favorite are those where Gemara and Torah disagree, Gemara. So much for Judaism being faithful to tradition. More echoes:

My son, be careful to fulfill the words of the Sages [soferim] even more than the words of the Torah. For the words of the Torah include positive and negative commandments, and even with regard to the negative commandments, the violation of many of them is punishable only by lashes. Whereas with respect to the words of the Sages, anyone who transgresses the words of the Sages is liable to receive the death penalty, as it is stated: “And whoever breaches through a hedge, a snake shall bite him”

הַרְבֵּה וְגוֹ׳״ — בְּנִי, הִזָּהֵר בְּדִבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים יוֹתֵר מִדִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה. שֶׁדִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה יֵשׁ בָּהֶן עֲשֵׂה וְלֹא תַעֲשֶׂה. וְדִבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים — כׇּל הָעוֹבֵר עַל דִּבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים חַיָּיב מִיתָה

"R. Hanina once sat in the presence of R. Jannai when he stated: The halachah is in agreement with R. Eleazar b. Azariah. [The Master] said to him, 'Go out, read your Biblical verses outside; the halachah is not in agreement with R. Eleazar b. Azariah'."27 R. Jannai was being threatened with excommunication. He was being told, 'If you and your Scriptures are unwilling to submit to the decision of the Rabbis, then take them and be cut off from Israel.'

[Peter Kirby]

Thanks! I liked the story.

[GakuseiDon]

There's a similar story in Buddhism:

A man walks up to a Buddhist monk and asks, "Who was the Buddha?"

The monk responds, "Who is asking?"

[StephenGoranson]

Who, GD, would choose such an avatar image?