Proofs That Jesus Existed

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ARGUMENT FROM DAVID FRIEDRICH STRAUSS'S "LIFE OF JESUS"
(1) DF Strauss wrote a huge book pointing out how most or all gospel stories are mythical
(2) Despite this, DF Strauss believed Jesus was historical
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

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ARGUMENT FROM ALBERT SCHWEITZER'S "QUEST OF THE HISTORICAL JESUS"
(1) Albert Schweitzer wrote a huge book pointing out how insane it is to think we can actually know anything about a supposedly historical Jesus
(2) Despite this, Schweitzer believed Jesus was historical
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

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ARGUMENT FROM THOMAS AQUINAS'S "SUMMA THEOLOGICA"
(1) Thomas Aquinas wrote a huge book showing how it's only logical to believe YHWH exists.
(2) Are you smarter than Thomas Aquinas? I think not.
(3) Therefore, YHWH exists.
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed.

[Blood]

ARGUMENT FROM JOSEPH OF ARIMATHEA
(1) The gospels say Joseph of Arimathea buried Jesus in his tomb
(2) Joseph of Arimathea is therefore an historical witness to Jesus
(3) Joseph of Arimathea must be real
(4) I'm just going to ignore the implications of Isaiah 53:9
(5) Therefore, Jesus existed.

William L. Craig actually uses this argument in his debates.

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ARGUMENT FROM FALSE ALTERNATIVES
(1) If you say Jesus didn't exist, that's the same thing as saying Julius Caesar didn't exist
(2) You aren't actually going to claim that Julius Caesar didn't exist, are you?
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

[JoeWallack]

ARGUMENT FROM WIKIPEDIA
(1) An anonymous person edited the related Wikipedia article to say:
"the only two events subject to "almost universal assent" are that Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist and was crucified by the order of the Roman Prefect Pontius Pilate.[5][6][7] Biblical scholars and classical historians regard theories of his non-existence as effectively refuted."
(2) Yeshu Barra commented "Sounds like Deja Jew all over again."
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

[JoeWallack]

ARGUMENT FROM INDIGNATION
(1) Megyn Kelly says that Jesus was a white man.
(2) Megyn Kelly says this indignantly.
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

[JoeWallack]

ARGUMENT FROM JEWISH BIBLE PROPHECY FULFILLMENT
(1) Isaiah was a prophet from The Jewish Bible.
(2) Isaiah wrote before Jesus existed.
(3) Isaiah wrote:
"The carpenter stretcheth out a line; he marketh it out with a pencil; he shapeth it with planes, and he marketh it out with the compasses, and shapeth it after the figure of a man, according to the beauty of a man, to dwell in a house.
He heweth him down cedars, and taketh the holm-tree and the oak, and strengtheneth for himself one among the trees of the forest: he planteth a fir-tree, and the rain doth nourish it.
Then shall it be for a man to burn; and he taketh thereof, and warmeth himself; yea, he kindleth it, and baketh bread: yea, he maketh a god, and worshippeth it; he maketh it a graven image, and falleth down thereto.
He burneth part thereof in the fire; with part thereof he eateth flesh; he roasteth roast, and is satisfied; yea, he warmeth himself, and saith, Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire.
And the residue thereof he maketh a god, even his graven image; he falleth down unto it and worshippeth, and prayeth unto it, and saith, Deliver me; for thou art my god.
They know not, neither do they consider: for he hath shut their eyes, that they cannot see; and their hearts, that they cannot understand."
(4) This is the best parallel you can find to Jesus in The Jewish Bible.
(5) Therefore, Jesus existed.

[JoeWallack]

ARGUMENT FROM CHERRY PICKING SOURCE CRITICISM
(1) Paul was a second hand witness to Jesus.
(2) The key criterion of quality witness is credibility.
(3) The two components of credibility are knowledge and objectivity.
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed.

[JoeWallack]

ARGUMENT FROM JEDI MIND TRICK
(1) The evidence for Impossible Jesus is basically the same as the evidence for possible Jesus.
(2) (Voice accompanied by hand-waving) "This isn't the argument you are looking for".
(3) This isn't the argument I was looking for.
(4) (Voice accompanied by hand-waving) "The Jesus existed argument can move along".
(5) The Jesus existed argument can move along.
(6) Therefore, Jesus existed.